So I can talk about the countless final tables coming up short in the past month, but that can only come off as whiny. I can talk about my inadequate performance at times, but that would deny that the fact that I've learned a lot. I just want to talk about the battlefield that is my own mind.
First off, I've just passed my two year mark of living in Las Vegas and earning my living by playing countless hours of poker. This is not video poker or something with a house edge, but a mind game between individual players where the outcome of the contest is determined by both skill and luck. I've won a lot of tournaments, made a bunch of final tables, and have not cashed in probably close to 85% of the tournaments I've played. That being said, I'm a consistent winner in the long run, which is all that matters in the game. The problem with the long run meaning more than the short run is that we live in the short run. My daily emotions are focused on the short run. My competitive desires strive for the present. Certainly, I've blogged about my long run goals and what not, but every day, I wake up and have to go compete. The ultimate determination of my long run success relies on my mindset as a competitor.
I play primarily tournament poker where the prizes are top heavy and 1st place is the only thing that feels great most of the time. I've walked out of the World Series of Poker with a 3rd place finish and over $90,000. At the time, I didn't want to talk to a soul. I went to a celebration dinner and night out, but all I wondered was why I didn't win. When I went to bed at night and woke up in the morning, I was haunted by being so close. Winning a WCOOP bracelet a few months later felt better for less money because I won. Over the last few months, I pondered what was next. Surely, winning a WCOOP bracelet and being so close to the greatest prize of them all had to mean something towards my talent........
So now, I've come to a realization. To take this thing to the next level, I need to control my mind. My mind has become a constant battlefield between snap judgment and reaction vs. the thoughtful right reaction. It has become a battle between good habits and a few bad habits. It has become a battle between curiosity (paying off players on hands that make no sense) and the correct decision. The battle lasts to the point where it's all about positive energy versus negative energy, the I can versus the I don't think I can. To really take this thing to the next level, I have to conquer my own mind. My goal for the next 6 months is to play the best possible poker 100% of the time. My A game needs to be my D game, and my D game needs to be my A game.
I'm writing this blog because something has been bothering me. When snap emotional decisions make up what is anything in my life, I've found it to be a harmful force overall. I've taken up the practice of yoga along with the meditation that I've talked about in the past. I've always succeeded at everything in my life, and maybe have never faced enough resistance in my own mind. This is a battle that I think we all have to fight at some point in our life. I'm glad I've found mine within the scope of a game I love to play and call my profession.
I took at class at Miami University that was a special sports psychology class. I often draw upon the things that I learned from this class, but now I think I fully understand how it relates to what I need to be. We are only as strong as our weakest thought or negative impulse. I'm going to be better.
