Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Hangover

It's what you can call the week after your most exciting moment in your career. I remember it after June 2010 and the infamous KK vs AK hand. (forgot the hand write-up is wrong on pre-flop action). While that wasn't yet the final table it was the closest to the biggest goal I have, a WSOP bracelet. The EPT championship would have easily been just a hair under a WSOP bracelet, but the hangover has been worse. The hangover refers to the fact that every morning I wake up thinking about hands from that final table. I even think about the first hand and things I couldn't control, the fact that my QT suited was calling the 3 bet of a player with KK if QJ doesn't 4 bet shove. The flop of QT5 would have likely seen me stack a player and take a dominating stack through. Poker doesn't always happen the way you want it to.

Nor should it.

I'm still teetering back and forth about calling off my chips with 0% chance of winning. Generally, you don't want to do that too often in a poker career. While I navigated my stack properly to the four handed game, I think I would have had an advantage keeping things in front of me and small. I hadn't tested one of the other four at the final table's post-flop game at all to that point in the tournament and with two player behind me, John Eames and Michael Tureniac that were clearly strong in that regard of the game, why not wait to get into more situations with Per Linde. Those are the strategic hangover thoughts. The truth is that I got up from the table and was so pissed off because I felt the championship was in my blood and my soul that tournament. It was an honest thought and one that still resides. I needed just a little more from myself. It could have been that one decision, maybe it wasn't, but in poker you can't know after you have no chips left.



The hangover extended to online play this week. I didn't bring my A game all the time. I wasn't as hungry as I needed to be. The standard winner's curse I've written about before followed me. I shouldn't have let it. Each day is a new day, a clean slate. Your record before that doesn't matter. All that matters is if you bring it or not. A week off may have been a good idea, but the hangover of such an exciting atmosphere made me want to create it again, even if it was for something smaller.

Oh well, I don't anticipate playing any tournaments Fri-Sat unless they are super duper turbos. I'll be celebrating St. Patty's Day in Chicago and hopefully not freezing my arse off looking at a green river. Happy St. Patty's Day and celebrate with your safety and others in mind.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

EPT Copenhagen: So Close

"Fold or hang tough. Call or raise the bet. These are decisions you make at the table. Sometimes the odds are stacked so clear there's only one way to play it. Other times, like holding a small pair against two over cards, it's six to five, or even money, either way. Then it's all about feel, what's in your guts."

Mike McDermott from the movie Rounders

One of the best quotes from one of the best movies. It can't describe my tournament with anymore precision. Day 1 was jet lag day, but it worked. Get it in good and win. Control the pots. Day 2 was a struggle, card dead, but one last hour rush of aggression and nicely played hands kept me in contention. Day 3 was seize the moment, play with no fear, and enjoy every minute as we entered the money and set ourselves up for more. Day 4 was the craziest day of my poker life. It was the day of the biggest bluff I've ever pulled off. A bluff about feel, guts, your opponents, and knowing something would work. It did. It took me from 11th of 12 remaining players to in contention. A couple well timed hands later I was playing with one table remaining. The goal was so close. A major title against a talented field.

The final table was a struggle. It's always tough to win tournaments without flopping pairs and always having inferior holdings to opponents, but with the stroke of luck on the shortstack, my 44 beat 66 all in. I still had a shot. Then, I kissed my shot away with an incorrect read. See quote above. One critical mistake in my eyes over the course of 5 days. Not all that bad, but given my holdings today, I needed to be slightly better than that.

I can't help but smile when thinking about the last five days and how much fun I've had. I came up just short of a huge goal of mine, but recognize how much I've matured as a competitor.. I can smile because I never lost faith in knowing I'd win or in my own abilities. No matter what happened, I kept the game in front of me while always telling myself to pay attention to the 3-8 other opponents. I know I fought with my heart, my guts, and with every inch of poker talent I have. A taste of a major no limit live final table is intoxicating, but tournament players must always remember, the next time around, you all start with the same amount of chips. You start from scratch with your poker tools and your guts and of course, hopefully a little lady luck.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

January Update, February Plans

January flew by in large part due to a 9 day trip to the Bahamas, the cleansing of my mind through a tougher yoga practice, and lots of poker in between. January really felt balanced. Let me first say that I really enjoy getting to meet my adversaries and friends at the poker table at the live tournaments. So often, we spend time looking at each other's screen names and competing online that we forget we are actually other living people. At least in competitive sports you could look another player in the eye all of the time. Playing online doesn't afford you that opportunity. I met some great people and had a blast despite playing two other events in the Bahamas and not cashing and an exact bubble (43rd place with 42 paying) in the 1k six max. I did, however, have an outstanding month online both in cash and tournaments. I was able to throw up the belt Aaron Rodgers style in my home by winning the 6 max $75 tournament on double guarantee multi-entry week and narrowly missed my first life ever title in a hyper turbo event during double guarantee week. In that tournament, I refused a chop for the 5th straight time and for the 5th straight time turned in a 2nd or 3rd place performance after refusing a chop. I don't think it's stubbornness, but when I get that deep in the tournament, I want to win it outright. Why play if you don't want to win the maximum? This works both ways in poker, but if the situation really calls for a deal, I'll make it. It usually doesn't.

I've had a lot of time to think about my goals for this upcoming year. My halfhearted approach towards the goals in the earlier blog is unlike me, but many of the goals that I haven't accomplished are the same from the year before. I will add a few things as I go along and think of them.

February is started with a great trip to see the family with two wonderful nieces having birthdays as well as my Grandma. Then the FTOPS begins on Full Tilt for what will prove to be two grueling weeks that should get me into a great poker mindset for the EPT Copenhagen at the end of February. Normally, I'd make my way out to LA for the LA Poker Classic, but the Commerce selfishly (against the poker community and spirit of the game) tried to get online poker legalized as a statewide initiative through California earlier this year. I think a one year break from there is fine enough for me on the boycott level. This initiative of casinos, states, and countries looking to restrict the access of local players to the same sites is anti-free trade and completely against the spirit of the game. If anything, the World Series of Poker has taught me that poker is an international game enjoyed by men and women from all over the world. It's equality in its purest form. States like New Jersey, countries like France, and poker rooms like the Commerce have all done or are in the process of restricting access to poker pools of money to their own states to make a profit. Now, I have no problem if the Commerce wants to compete in its own niche market, but everyone in the world needs to realize that the bigger the pie of players, the better for everyone, players, tax collectors, media, live casinos, etc.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

PCA Update

Let's do a quick summary. I played the Main Event of the PCA Day 1a today and made it a meager 6 levels into the tournament before my short stack was busted when my KQ failed to improve against AJ. Two hands before dinner break, I flopped a straight with my 67 of clubs after calling a minimum raise of 800. After betting 2100 into 4 players, I was raised and subsequently called by AQ of spades after I put my pile of chips in the middle. With the board reading Ts 9s 8h, I stand as a slight 53%? favorite, so basically a coin flip for 35k in chips. The 2 of spades crippled my stack down to a paltry 6k from starting 30k.

Chips were not easy to accumulate today. The table was very tough relative to fields I've played in the past. I have a pretty good knack for being able to succeed in these tables in the past but today wasn't meant to be. I can pin two mistakes on myself, one where I just leveled myself into calling. This is when I begin to think he thinks I think he thinks I think he thinks when really he just has a hand better than mine. The other situation was typical of the table on a QQ4 board when I bet the button against two players and was check raised. I really needed to see through that, but I folded my TT here and another player paid the player $100 to see the hand. He showed 89.

That leaves 8 days in the Bahamas to figure out what I want to do with myself. I may enjoy the sun or go on water slides through shark tanks or whatever else people do on vacation. There are several mixed game side events that I would actually be excited to play, so I'll probably win one of those. I really want to get to the point where I have that killer instinct at a live poker table. Sometimes I begin to get chatty and see other players as humans and that affects my play. It's a leak and I'll get over it. All other players shall not be seen as friends while cards are being dealt. Poker is supposed to be a social game and what not, maybe it is. The problem with that idea though is that we are all chasing millions of dollars.

Monday, January 3, 2011

2010 Accountability and Reflection

Putting the words in front of all 10 of my blog readers: I will update this blog more frequently this year. Sometimes I go on these kicks where I feel the need for privacy in life. In this entrepreneurial endeavor you are measured by your recent results and not by how you are playing. It becomes tough when people ask "how much are you making this year?" "how much is your biggest win?" Answering both of those questions answers nothing about how I've progressed as a professional poker player, a competitor, and as a person. The wins are excellent, but if I would have told you that I was one 70% - 30% hand from a life changing moment in poker, you could very easily respond with a Mike McD quote "you don't hear about the guys who took their shots and missed."


To summarize this year, it was a battle. I hopped out of the gate with a 5th place finish in $1 mill guarantee on Full Tilt for $50k. This provides a nice mental cushion for any player being backed on his own. If I learned anything in this business, mental cushions are only as strong as the mind behind them. Rough downswings can shake your bankroll and rattle your cage more than anything. Heading into the WSOP, I was exhausted physically and mentally. May was the toughest month of my poker career. Poker giveth and poker taketh away. Being the month before the biggest tournament in the world, if you would have told me that I was going to have my best financial year as a poker player, I would have laughed at you. That fact alone snapped me into a better mental state. Doing anything for the money in life is stupid, but it is a factor. I remember thinking this is a game I love, one that's supposed to be fun through all the challenges. If I'm not enjoying it, then why the hell am I doing it. Coupled with living in Las Vegas far away from friends and family and the relationships that mean the most to me, I just wasn't happy. June provided a great distraction in the WSOP. I was fortunate enough to put myself in an outstanding position to win my first bracelet. A rough KK vs AK loss for 3x the 2nd place player with 11-12 remaining sent me out of the tournament in the hands down most brutal beat of my poker career. With the flip of one river card my poker destiny was altered, a dagger 4 of clubs making my opponent the nut flush and the eventual champion of the tournament. I made another run in the Pot Limit Omaha $2500 tournament but ended in 14th place painfully short of a 2nd consecutive PLO WSOP final table. The main event gave me another shot at redemption. I made day 4 while never holding over 80,000 in chips until day 4. Just when I started chipping up, another brutal hand (AQ vs KQ river K) sent me to the short stack followed by my AQ losing to JJ shortly after to send me to the rail. While I did book a tiny winner in the overall series, it wasn't enough. When is it ever enough?

I gave a lot a thought about what I wanted to do in my future. Since then, I have moved out of Vegas. September was my second best month ever in poker overall. This also didn't come without mistakes as I believe I made one of my most regretted plays to bust 117th? in the $5k World Championship of Online Poker Main Event. With close to $2 million to first, it's a mistake that I haven't forgot. I focused on becoming a better NL tournament player this year. I believe that I have achieved that in short. I also believe I am a much stronger mixed game player.


I'll get more to results in the goals, but mentally, I've never felt better about poker and life. Many people are ready to fill you with doubts in this world. I learned to laugh and enjoy these doubts because they are that person's own fears about life. There is nothing in the world a competitive person would love to hear than someone else in the world doubting what they can do. Doubts are gasoline to a competitor's fire. I'm fortunate that in the year 2010, I was able to love what I do day in and day out. Balance has been semi-restored to my life. I've never been happier in poker and never have there been fewer FML's muttered out of my mouth.



Now on to the goals from last year.
1. Win a World Series of Poker Bracelet----if the deck cooperates, I would have had a very good chance, 12th and 14th
2. Cash in the main event of the WSOP--finished in top 15% for 3rd time in 4 years, but still have no cash in the main event
3. Win a live tournament--I played a very light live schedule this year, but still remains a goal
4. Win 10 NL Hold 'em tournaments--As it turns out, I won 8 NL Hold 'em tournaments outright. I also won 2 HORSE tournaments and smaller mixed game tourneys. I'm pretty satisfied here.
5. Final Table 100 tournaments--This is a really lofty goal in retrospect, but those tracked by Pocketfives, I'm at 54 for the year. I know there were more in the smaller field non-NL Hold 'em events.
6. Final Table 15 Sunday Majors--I believe this stands at 2.
7. Win a Sunday online major tournament (Tournaments that count on Pokerstars-Sunday Warmup, Sunday 100R at 2:00pm Est, Sunday Million, Sunday 500, Sunday Second Chance, and Sunday 200R, on Full Tilt--Sunday Brawl, Sunday 750k or 1 mill, and Sunday Mulligan---I made a very nice run at it in the Sunday Mulligan late in the year, but it wasn't my day. That was also the last time I've lost a mouse in the heat of battle. Losing 6 showdowns in a row isn't fun at a final table with over 50,000 on the line
8. Win a major series live or online (UBOC, FTOPS, WCOOP) tournament. I had a 4th in the WCOOP Stud and a 7th in the UBOC 100 Rebuy Turbo.
9. Final Table 5 major tournament series both live and online.--This will stand at 2 same as 8


If you look at them on the surface, I could say I missed a lot of goals, but it doesn't feel that way. I'm ready to go for 2011. These goals are all things that I still want. The most notable addition to my own poker goals will be updating this blog more regularly. Even better, I'm in the $10,000 Pokerstars Carribean Adventure Main Event beginning Jan 7th for a meager $350ish dollars. I get a shot at much of the glory right out of the gates. Cheers in 2011 and best of luck in whatever you do.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Know Thyself

By Sunday's end, I sat in silence as disgusted with myself as I've ever been. I've learned through this entire poker experiment that if one thing will burn me in poker, it's not keeping my emotions in check while playing a game that tirelessly tries to light me on fire. Three days of fluky bad beats finally got to me. The worst beat was the crazy Friday Night Fight hand (Full Tilt's $500 tournament) where I lost an AA vs JJ vs Q9 for a triple up with approximately 20 to go in the tournament. I was certainly running below expectation early on Sunday, and my emotions soon got the best of me. By reading through the hand histories at the end of the day (a process by which I review my play), I was looking at an entire different player. It wasn't the player I am or want to be. I was uncharacteristically building big pots against my instincts, gambling in situations where I shouldn't, and by the end of the day, not playing up to my full potential. I can't say how many times I made mistakes, but I wasn't acting like a professional. Being professional means playing through rough swings objectively, staying in the moment, and having a short memory of what just happened. Each new hand presents a new problem that should not carry the weight of any past occurrences. I certainly wasn't acting like it.

It may have been the other stresses of life seeping into my work. No one should ever let their work cross into their personal life or their personal life cross into their work. I was tense and stressed and that doesn't lead to anything positive. The takeaway from of all of this though is that you must "know thyself" in the game of poker. Being truly in tune with who you are as a person, as a player, and as a competitor are so essential to being successful. Being successful in poker doesn't always mean winning on any given day either. That's probably the most twisted thing about the game. Being successful means being professional despite what happens.

After thinking about what had happened, I did some yoga Monday morning to channel the emotions and worries of the past few days. Life has been stressing me out beyond belief and I came to peace with letting it all happen. I kept asking myself what really is the worst that can happen and is it that bad? (wise teacher once told me that) I responded tonight by playing in the moment and not letting the negative throw me into a tailspin. The beats today were just as bad as the days prior, but I played objectively until the last tournament was done. That anomaly that was my emotional unwinding on Sunday was temporarily conquered.

Every poker tournament has it's own life. I've learned that knowing thyself is a valuable skill in poker. It's a prerequisite to keeping an open mind, following the correct instincts, and being in the right position mentally to make correct decisions. The best players out there know who they are, know how to keep negatives at bay, and ultimately, know how to live in the moment.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

What's up Next

I just saw today that Pokerstars updated their SCOOP schedule coming up in May.

SCOOP Schedule

I really like this schedule as some of the high buy in events are actually going to be reasonable enough of a buy in to play. Having this in May is seriously great for most online players as it serves as a serious warm up to the World Series of Poker. My goal now is to prepare myself mentally by playing a variety of games and looking through hand histories. I've been in a great habit of going through hand histories the last two days to find mistakes and successes.

Whoa I just 3 bet a guy all in with A7 of spades in a Turbo on Full Tilt................typing dots until something happens................he folds...want proof?

Full Tilt Poker Game #18924271013: Turbo Fiddy (143601761), Table 23 - 120/240 Ante 25 - No Limit Hold'em - 1:50:10 ET - 2010/03/03
Seat 1: watson5j (8,659)
Seat 2: ProjectSix (6,200)
Seat 3: luckyML97ft (1,720)
Seat 4: bigace223 (3,580)
Seat 5: gettym (2,031)
Seat 6: MikyMcDermott (5,380)
Seat 7: Michael_Bosco (4,375)
Seat 8: kice32 (4,180)
Seat 9: quantum leaper1 (3,980)
watson5j antes 25
ProjectSix antes 25
luckyML97ft antes 25
bigace223 antes 25
gettym antes 25
MikyMcDermott antes 25
Michael_Bosco antes 25
kice32 antes 25
quantum leaper1 antes 25
watson5j posts the small blind of 120
ProjectSix posts the big blind of 240
The button is in seat #9
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to kice32 [7s As]
luckyML97ft folds
bigace223 folds
gettym folds
MikyMcDermott folds
Michael_Bosco folds
kice32 raises to 480
quantum leaper1 folds
watson5j raises to 1,200
ProjectSix folds
kice32 raises to 4,155, and is all in
watson5j has 15 seconds left to act
watson5j folds
Uncalled bet of 2,955 returned to kice32
kice32 mucks
kice32 wins the pot (2,865)
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 2,865 | Rake 0
Seat 1: watson5j (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 2: ProjectSix (big blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 3: luckyML97ft folded before the Flop
Seat 4: bigace223 folded before the Flop
Seat 5: gettym folded before the Flop
Seat 6: MikyMcDermott folded before the Flop
Seat 7: Michael_Bosco folded before the Flop
Seat 8: kice32 collected (2,865), mucked
Seat 9: quantum leaper1 (button) folded before the Flop

They think I raise so light sometimes...well I do sometimes, but I like to 4 bet shove.

I want to play in the next NAPT event in Connecticut come April 7-11, and I'll be doing my best to win the package through Pokerstars.

whoa whoa whoa whoa I just blew up with AK. I mean is this guy ever showing me not at least one Q with a straight draw.... enough blogging after you see this horrendous play. Spit blahhhhhh pukee....get that out of me. I just 9th leveled myself in a $26 sit n go.

Full Tilt Poker Game #18924337244: $24 + $2 Sit & Go (143856378), Table 1 - 80/160 - No Limit Hold'em - 1:54:31 ET - 2010/03/03
Seat 1: IWantUrMoney515 (4,626)
Seat 2: crisp714 (5,390)
Seat 3: robo_1985 (1,005)
Seat 4: plzdontcall1 (855)
Seat 5: kice32 (327)
Seat 7: loosenuts99 (2,490)
Seat 8: happymonkey123 (3,080)
Seat 9: Djibril Cisse (4,200)
IWantUrMoney515 posts the small blind of 80
crisp714 posts the big blind of 160
The button is in seat #9
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to kice32 [3d 7s]
robo_1985 folds
plzdontcall1 folds
kice32 folds
loosenuts99 folds
happymonkey123 folds
Djibril Cisse folds
IWantUrMoney515 calls 80
crisp714 raises to 480
IWantUrMoney515 folds
Uncalled bet of 320 returned to crisp714
crisp714 mucks
crisp714 wins the pot (320)
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 320 | Rake 0
Seat 1: IWantUrMoney515 (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 2: crisp714 (big blind) collected (320), mucked
Seat 3: robo_1985 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 4: plzdontcall1 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 5: kice32 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 7: loosenuts99 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 8: happymonkey123 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 9: Djibril Cisse (button) didn't bet (folded)